


Blue Smurf's Big Bang

by jinsaz



Category: CrankGameplays - Fandom, idubbbz - Fandom, tana mongeau - Fandom
Genre: F/M, what the fuck, you're welcome you fucking fucks thank oli for this masterpiece
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-02
Updated: 2017-01-02
Packaged: 2018-09-20 21:27:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9516959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jinsaz/pseuds/jinsaz
Summary: *teleports behind you* Nothing personal, kid.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> this work of art was made by my meme loving fuck oli :3c XD !!!!1!1!1!1!

Tana's breath hitched as a tall...handsome.. man approached her with a Charming smile.

He put his arm around her gently, but she'd tell everyone he was choking her. That's just how she liked it, after all.

Tana and this mystery man smile at the camera, and then he says those two words.

The two words that would change her life..

"Say nigger!!" the man shouts happily, still smiling at the camera.

Tana is in shock.

\-----

The next day, Tana turns to her best friend for comfort.

"I don't know what to do.. or say." Tana admits. "Help me out?"

Her friend puts a reassuring hand on her shoulder.  
He's about to speak when Tana interrupts again.  
"I think I liked him.."

Ethan, aforementioned best friend, says, "Just expose him on Twitter, sweaty."

Tana nods. "You're right," she said, picking up her iphone 8. She opens the twitter app, taking a deep breath and preparing to type.

"@idubbbz," it starts.

Tana puts her phone down, texting her maid... or was it her assistant? She couldn't remember.

The tweet she had typed out kept popping up in her head.

"Kill yourself." she had ended it with. She felt kind of.. bad.. for writing kill yourself.

But LeafyIsHere said it all the time!  
Tana brushed it off when her boyfriend, Ellen DeGeneres, walked in.

"Hey sweaty," he greeted her.

Tana just then realised she did in fact love @idubbbz more than she loved this mistake of a man.

Tana was determined to find out everything about this.. this idubbbz man!

She jumped into her Mickey Mouse themed vehicle, turning up the radio.  
She was going to pick up Ethan on her way to Twitter HQ, so they could find out anything and everything she needed to know about this man.

Tana rammed her car into his garage, and Ethan remembered Tana only knew two things:  
Lying and being banged with a toothbrush. She couldn't drive to save her damn life.

Ethan got into the car after Tana fucking threw his garage door off the hood.  
She sped off quickly once he was literally half in.

"We need to find out who idubbbz really is!" Tana explained quickly. Ethan nodded, turning on the radio.

"This just in," the radio said, and Tana turned it up, hoping it was about the N word situation. "Kylie Jenner is a LESBIAN?! Sam dates JAX?! Tune in for more later—"

Tana slammed her fist on the steering wheel, that wasn't what she needed.

She was determined.

Tana drove through everyone like a madman.  
All Ethan could think was, Wow she can make a storytime out of this and it wouldn't be a lie!

Tana parked crookedly in the Twitter HQ parking lot, getting out and slamming her door shut.  
Ethan followed her, carefully avoiding the blood that got all over his door.

On the way in, Tana shoved past Kylie Jenner, an Olive Garden employee, Sam, and Jax. She ignored all of them; they weren't what she was there for.

She was there for idubbbz.

She stomped up to the desk, staring the worker in the eye.

"..can I help you–"  
"Yes." Tana interrupted, pulling out her phone and opening twitter, clicking to idubbbz's page.

She showed the employee.  
"What..?"  
"She wants his info," Ethan mouthed to the employee.

The employee nodded.  
"Ok," he said. "Keemstar's office is down the hall to the left. You can't miss it. He'll give you any and every piece of information you need."

Tana smirked. Ethan pat her on the back, congratulating her.

Tana kicked open the door to the gnome's den.

She announced her presence. "Keemstar," she began, and he turned around in his giant office chair. "I'd like for you to dox someone for me."

Keemstar's lips formed a smile. He says, "Go on.."

Tana slams her phone down on the table – accompanied by Ethan giving a, "Woah calm down that's an iPhone 8." – showing the Twitter page.

Keemstar nods. "His information will be up by tomorrow.. until then.."

Tana thanks the Gnome King, leaving the office.

They got back into the bloodied vehicle. Tana was fine with waiting another day, just as long as she got the information she needed.

Ethan spoke up. "Tana," he began, "what's the difference between a maid and an assistant."

Tana pretended not to hear the question.  
"I'm glad we're getting the information we need."  
"The information YOU need.."

Tana ignored that as well, driving into her mailbox.  
"Learn to drive. I'm surprised we're still alive."

Tana and Ethan exit the car, and begin to wait.

The next day, Tana sat on the couch, checking her phone constantly for an update from Keemstar.

Ethan looked over at her. "Just keep waiting," he said, stealthily shoving cash from her purse into his pocket.

He sat down next to her, closing pornhub and opening xvideos.  
"Low quality–"  
"I GOT THE MESSAGE!" Tana announced. She opened the DM Keemstar sent her via Twitter.

She screenshotted it, but didn't dm back because fuck that guy.

Time to find idubbbz, Tana thought.

They jumped back into the storytimemobile, starting it up after Tana put the address into her GPS system.  
"I'm surprised you know how that works." Ethan commented.

Tana fucking stepped on it, speeding off toward idubbbz's place.  
"His name is Ian," she said.  
"Yeah, I know," Ethan replied. "I was kinda there when you got the DM..."

  
Took ten minutes, but they stopped at a giant building, a sign which read IDUBBBZ HQ on the front of it.

"This is it, smurf boy."

They entered the huge building, surprised to see only a few people.

Tana walked up to a man, the least suspicious looking man out of everyone there, and asked, "Is.. Ian around here?"  
"Fuckin duh this is IDUBBBZ HQ, why wouldn't he be here?" the man replied.

Ethan looked at the man's attire. He saw a gun. On the man's belt.  
"Haha, funny," Ethan said, sneaking around the Male, and stole the gun, that sly fox.

Tana rolled her eyes. "Okay, where's his office?"

"Down the hall."

Tana pushed open the giant double doors with IAN written on the front of them.

Inside, there was an area similar to Keemstar's office. It was much bigger, obviously.

Tana shouted out, "IAN."

Ethan hid behind her, because even though he was a sly fox, he was a pussy on the inside..

Tana waited for the man to show himself, taking the gun Ethan snatched from the man in the lobby.

"Say nigger.." The two heard.

Ian stepped out, smiling at the two, mostly Tana.

"You came, I see."  
"Ya she came but it doesn't mean anything since she does it all the time." Ethan commented.

The two ignored him.

Tana glared at Ian, cocking the gun. "Say sorry, pussy."

Ian laughed, and the lights went off.  
"Oops, power outage," Ian said.  
He continued once the lights turned back on, "You see, I only came to your meet and greet to start a meme."

Tana gasped. "Asshole.."

Ian pulled out his own gun.

"Unfair. Where's my gun." Ethan deadpanned. Tana rolled her eyes, "Ethan, can you shut the fuck up?"

Ethan grabbed her wrist, holding the gun to his head, "Do it, pussy."

Tana turned back to Ian. "I didn't come to fight."

Ian teleported behind them. "Nothing personal, kid."

Tana whipped around, the barrel of her gun to Ian's chin.  
"I didn't come here to fight," she repeated firmly. "I just wanted to find out who you were."

"Why didn't you just search idubbbztv on YouTube?" Ian asked. "It's common sense– Never mind."

He pulled out his own gun, pointing it right in between Tana's eyes, to her fake— I mean real nose.

Tana had her finger on the trigger.  
"I came here to tell you.." She took a deep breath. "I love you."

Ian put his finger on the trigger. "Not on my watch."

Ethan, being the good guy he was, FOOTBALL TACKLED IDUBBBZ, knocking the gun out of his hand.

Tana grabbed the other gun, now she had two guns, holy shit.

Ian stood up angrily. "Where'd that smurf come from?!" he shouted, looking for his glasses.

Tana stopped him. "Stop right there, Mr. I-Have-Crippling-Depression."

Ian stopped as told, smirking. "You've activated my trap card.." he mumbled.

Tana stomped on his glasses, looking back up at him afterward.  
"It was a simple fucking confession, you cunt," she said. "HIT ME, BITCH. HIT ME."

Ethan, after stealing all of Ian's things, returned to Tana's side.  
"You shouldn't do that because he's probably gonna swing at you."

Ian swung at her. Tana dodged, what a queen.  
She brought the gun to Ian's head, right in between his eyes, and pulled the trigger.

-FIN-


	2. Epilogue

Tana, Ethan, Kylie, Sam, Jax, and Olive Garden sat in Tana's living room, laughing like the iconic group they are.

"Remember when you fucking murdered him? That was a RIOT." Ethan said.  
Tana laughed so fucking hard.

Kylie, Olive Oil, Sam, and Jax, sneakily, left the fucking house what the fuck they were just talking to two fucking murderers.

"Where'd they go?" Ethan asked, frowning.  
Tana shrugged. "Maybe they had to leave."  
"Maybe..."


End file.
